dear diary: another freaky dream, and spent the day studying...

the reading today was all about the criteria of environmental impacts' policies.... didn't take many breaks from the reading (it was a very short chapter), and didn't get much sewing done.... not what i would consider a very productive day, oh well.

managed to get some walking in (i could *barely* walk yesterday, it was so hot)... had a rather unpleasant dream last night, although i wouldn't call it an outright nightmare, it pretty much sucked..... it dealt with my visiting a couple of adult brothers, to wish them a merry Xmas.... apparently, both of these boys were members of an old-money, very modern, family... they were Ashkenazic, but Reform, i guess that is why they were celebrating the holiday (it's not like they even bothered to call it a "Hannukah bush")....

with regards to the brothers, apparently i grew up right down the street from them (this took place in the dream, but i didn't recognize them at all in 3D-reality)... i had had sexual relationship with the younger brother, but i also had a rather intense intellectual/quasi-romantic relationship with the older brother, but all of this took place multiple decades ago.... the only thing left is that when i looked at them, i could feel the answer to all of this: i still loved both of them, dearly.

the clincher is that their mother *despised* me --- dearly.
and seeing as this was a holiday, when i walked in their front door i could feel the PLETHORA of emotions that were flying around the house... the  fear, nostalgia, broken-hearted tugs, and (from their mother) absolute hatred..... i could sense that the men were warned (without her even saying a word) to maintain as stoic a facial expression, as was humanly possible; and find a way to get me out the front door as QUICKLY as possible.... and that is when the snow came in....

it was snowing, HARD.... i had no ride home (i had just been "dropped off" and was counting on one of the men), so the brothers were trying to place fon calls and find someone who could rush me home, and that is when this rather realistic dream started to morph a bit phantasmagoric.... i looked down and saw that i was wearing no shoes and no socks.... me and the brothers were walking around the house and trying to find them, we managed to find *one* sock, but kept looking..... i tried to take advantage our being in separate rooms from the Ms. Bitch....

i would take one of their hands and try to get them to look me in the eyes.... saying things like "sweetheart, do you remember?... that walk we took in the Autumn after you graduated High School?.. you were going to leave for college soon... it was a full moon, and you were holding my hand.. you never did kiss me, but at that moment, i *swear* it felt like you did"...... the older brother almost cracked right then, he couldn't stop himself and he *did* look at me (looked like he might start to cry)... the younger brother, looked like he might change his mind too, and he was too tempted to look at me.....and THAT my friends, is when i woke up hahahhaha ;)

on a side note, here is a little blurb that Juju posted into the FB tonight: 
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one of the voices in my head (or members of my "in-house family", comme ci comme ça) is always coming up with these little sayings/proverbs... she is an older woman, rather uppity and highly educated... but i honestly have no idea where she is getting these things, if she is quoting anything or just making it all up... today i was sewing again and felt a little guilty to be working on yet another little flower, instead of reading my textbook but she "tsk tsk"ed me and said "a flower a day, keeps the doctor away!" ..... okay now THAT i am sure she made up hahahahaha <3 😆 !ב"ק
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and that was our day. :)
shalom! - Ulla/e. & co.

constitutional: 1,971 steps
daily walk: 584 steps