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 only 2 days since the law-class ended and i am starting to come back to Earth... the new teacher is giving me credit for whatever i post and seems to be having short thoughts to send to me (i much appreciate this)... i've posted to class 5 times so far, and i am half way thru the reading that is assigned for next week.. i'll start working on this week's worksheet tomorrow, i think i'll do "okay"....

Juju has some thoughts she wanted to share of interacting with her husband's old boyfriend...
going to go vegetate to Call the Midwife and mahjong, until i'm ready to take the satellite screen-shots and then sleep.
shalom - Ulla/e. & co.

**************************
Seamus and Jonathan had quite a torrid love-affair, some years ago.... they both came out of the closet to family and good friends, but were basically very discrete in public (old wounds).... they were always very much in love with each other, but Seamus has a quality that is fundamentally very "masculine" about him, turning into every one's father; whereas Johnathan was the more passionate and impulsive side of the relationship, a little prone to flip between passive and rebellious (depending on his moods)....

one thing that he was struggling with is committing to Seamus while still feeling a bit "juvenile" when they were together... Johnathan had a long term job with a paper in Oxfordshire, and they had been trying to get him to take a job out in Beijing (he lived there as a child and has the ability to talk Mandarin, and quite a few contacts)... Johnathan thought that he should take this job, temporarily, assuming that this would be a way to prove to himself that he could live on his own and be independent... his plan was to come back to Britain, and be able to commit to Seamus as his husband.... but as per usual, his plan back fired a bit...

he had to contend with the depression that swallowed him up, once he was cut off from Seamus.. it lead to him drinking a *bit* too much, and having affairs, that had him wracked with guilt... after a couple of years, he had tried to get Seamus to look for his own lovers (feeling that he deserved it if Seamus found a new relationship).. it took quite a bit of letters back and forth before Seamus had a very brief affair with our Wesley (which he broke off because he still felt too attached to Johnathan) and he finally hooked up with me (Juju) after about 3 years had passed... we bonded quite well, and decided to settle down together (the passing year found us getting a civil marriage and i got pregnant with Manni)....

we were on our second year when i answered the knock at the front door, one day, and found Johnathan standing there at my front stoop...
it was a little "complicated", but our little triangle has been resolved (us Qilora tend to work best in 3's)....

a memory i want to record is a short conversation i had while visiting Johnathan at his mother's old cottage in Port Isaac (in Cornwall).. he had brought his violin down from Oxford, and played a bit for me.... you have to understand that Johnathan was always a very private person, who walked around with a sharp tongue, always in a "good mood", cracking jokes and very clever... but when he played the music for me i could see his face betray him.... he showed me passion, rage, sorrow, love and nostalgia (to name a few), it was certainly enough to make me feel more endeared to him.... like he was confiding in me...

i pointed out that his "slip" was showing while he played and he smirked a little, letting me know that as long as he was "just making music" he could get away with it... that during the rest of the time he just needed to make sure to keep himself wearing his armor, being the "class clown"... "as long as you keep people laughing, they won't look at you too deep.. the violin can say anything it wants to, like it is speaking for me".... a little embarrassed he added "yes, here i am a grown man, pretending to be a violin"...

i told him "i see it more that you are a violin, just pretending to be a 'man'... don't pretend, just be yourself.... i saw Johnathan speaking to me tonight, your face was giving me so many emotions [while he played], and i feel so grateful that you confide in me like this..... i have loved you since before we even met, and now it feels a little deeper.. i adore you
".. - Juju.

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Julia / Miryam-Chavah

January 2024

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